What's Happening Wednesdays: Streetside Storytellers @ The M Bar, H'wood

My post college career path was in the music industry so any benefit or fundraiser involving music strikes a nostalgic and familiar chord with me. Remember I'm the survivor that decided to produce a benefit a few days before the trial in NY. From LA. Um, yeah. Diversion, yup! Raise money for a good cause? Indeed.

This Saturday night I will be speaking and educating the Streetside Storytellers' audience at The M Bar in Hollywood. The Streetside Storytellers are a diverse group of acoustic musicians ranging from folk to rock who will be sharing the stage in a round robin performance. The storytellers enjoy having non-profits present so I will enjoy being there!

25% of the night's proceeds will be donated to RAINN , the largest anti-sexual assault organization in the country that, in 1996, helped me find another version of me and in the past year, have literally rocked my world with their wonderous innovative work on a national level, their steadfast dedication to breaking LA's third wall, and the humor and incredible support I receive from the people who make it all happen. They amaze me.

If you are East of the 405 this Saturday, stop by and say "hi". There's nothing quite like talking in front of a lively crowd that came to hear music. That element of surprise, the moment when people realize that survivors laugh, tell jokes, listen to music and enjoy life. We even stay out past midnight. Shocking, I know.

WHERE: The M Bar
WHEN: Saturday, May 24th @ 10pm
ADDRESS: 1253 Vine St. Los Angeles, CA 90038. (323) 856-0036

New Posts of the Week

About a month ago, I came up with great weekly posts and then oops, it became a neglected draft.

Here are my new weekly posts. I will try my berry berry best to post every week :

*Media Mondays - what are we reading as something always seems to happen over the weekend
*Trial Tuesdays - in the news
*What's Happening Wednesday: events, happenings: where do you spend your free time? what charity/fundraisers/retreats/trips that inspire me
*Thoughts on Thursday: poetry, musings, free verse (not bird)
*Flickr Fridays: photographs I or other people have taken that inspire, soothe, calm, tickle the funny bone.
*Survivor Saturdays: featured survivor of the week
*Sweet Treat Sunday: whatever I'm craving - food, comfort, travel...the fabric softener that makes your sheets all warm and clean. **lol: clearly I'm not the one who does laundry in the house. That would be fabric softener that makes your sheets all warm--and fuzzy**

the double edged post: Helprapevictim's online cry for help

I think all survivors are saddened by Crystal's story knowing all too well that posting a video plea for help on YouTube is a dangerous way to speak out. While I don't suggest another survivor taking this course of action, the good - the people who can and will help Crystal may outweigh the vacuous and uneducated responses to her video post. It certainly outweighs silence. The online outlet is just a very vulnerable place to be heard. With internet laws virtually non-existent, the post is permanent...like rape.

While it wasn't her intention to do so, Crystal opened a dialogue, not only about injustices and gaping holes in our legal system between those who want to help and are fighting for change, and those who live in a black hole. There are many, particularly our younger generations that treat message boards and postings like a video game. I hate to think of this young woman reading trash comments - they only have weight if you let them. For the survivor, they are to be ignored. For the activists and those working to break this cycle, they are a fine study in exactly where our country is in terms of knowing the facts about rape, condoning it and blaming the victim.

To Crystal: we are here for you. RAINN is here for you. You will never be alone. Our society is not into admitting that we have a problem and are in need a very dire and long overdue reality check because no one likes to talk about what we can seem to fix. Unfortunately in the court of law, it may not work out the way that it should. Take care of yourself, surround yourself with good people, and find the strength to shake off harsh criticism. That's not what this is about.

Protect your privacy and allow yourself to heal by the hands who can help you. Justice does not always come in the form of a prison sentence. It should, but it doesn't yet, so we learn, seek and form other outlets and alliances.

Jane Doe Rape Kits

A rape kit: simple, right?


Starting next year, federal law will require hospitals and clinics to provide rape survivors with the option of collecting a "Jane Doe Rape Kit", meaning you can have kit performed without involving the police at that very moment. Or ever. An anonymous rape kit that marks the kit with a number rather than your name.

Already people are yammering over women using the kit as a way to threaten men they've had sex with. Have you ever had a rape kit performed? It takes over a hour and is as intrusive as it gets. Plus the 8 hour wait at the ER will have women flocking to the ER just to falsely accuse a guy. Please.

At first read, I thought "Why on earth has this not been available earlier? Well it has but certainly not everywhere. Funding they say is an issue. Perhaps we take some money away studying erectile dysfuction or prescribing rapists Viagra and you may have some leftover change? Just a thought.

Imagine this: you've been raped, you want to get help but the attacker could be following you. You could live with the attacker. And so on. So you make it to the hospital and wait in the ER for four, maybe five hours only to wait in a sterile exam room for another hour or so. Your mind wanders - you're numb, you're scared out of your mind - you don't wan't to be there . The last thing you want is for someone to touch your body and not only do they have to take your blood pressure, they have to touch you every place you've just been violated. It's devastating. And then, while you are sitting in nothing but a paper gown, the police come. Not one but probably two or three. Don't count on a woman and if it happens to be a woman, don't expect them to be more sensitive. Some officers are, some aren't. They try - they are just doing their job and their job is to catch the perp. So then you're telling the story, and then you have to tell it again, and eventually after 6 or 7 hours, you'll put your clothes back on, ride in the back of a police car and tell it all over again at the precinct. It is necessary. I wouldn't have done it any other way but I am a survivor of a stranger rape - if it were someone I knew, getting a rape kit performed and pressing charges in a hospital gown - that would be incredibly hard.

If a Jane Doe Rape Kit gets more women the medical attention they need AND allows them to get a rape kit performed without having the police involved, sometimes literally in your exam room? Yes, there will be more rape kits. Just like calling a hotline - you get the care you need, anonymously.

This is an enormous opportunity for both survivors and the police. Considering that only 41 percent of survivors report their cases, I'd say, yeah, making something easier would be helpful.

I'll comment on how the media covered this item later. If I read "too ashamed" one more time I'm going to freak out.

speaking up and giving in: the wellness post

cupping-day three. day one -don't even ask


It's been, let's say, a challenging week. I'm thinking of a theme for this charmer and I'm going to call it "stepping on my face in stilettos".

On Monday the wicked witch of the east visited my back molar and poof, my gum blew up over where my tooth was supposed to be but I couldn't see it anymore. A shooting pain in my head and a fever had me speed dialing every friend begging for a dentist that they solemnly swear to love, honor and respect for the rest of their life. You see, since moving to LA I've been to five dentists - one who scared me with her sterile personality and meanness (she is probably very competent but dentist chairs are scary enough, a dentist shouldn't be scary too), the next had such a rude office assistant yelling at me to phone my HR department because she couldn't figure out how to call dial 1800METLIFE, another who scammed me out of money and did some bad dental work, to the second to last who did goodness knows that led me to overnight balloon face.

You hear about scary dr's but I'd never experienced it quite like this - I thought I was way too picky to fall prey. Prey I have been. My dear friend who went through serious dental drama referred me to a dentist who rocked it. He was professional, kind, had a personality, talked me through it and scared me just enough to take my medicine like clockwork. His office called me today to see how I was feeling (wow). My tooth was abscessing from the bad work (and a bad tooth) and it had spread to my sinuses. Very bad and very painful. I'm on antis and eating on one side of my mouth. Upside: Yogotango.

Lesson learned: lotsa dentists are out for your money. If your friend only had their teeth cleaned and you need major work, that recommendation isn't worth a travel toothbrush. Move on, keep asking. Drive. Fly. Trust me, it's worth it.

Because my face is a mess and my neck and back were completely knotted by the whole affair, my acupunturist skipped my endo and treated my mouth and back issues. "I'm going to do cupping" she said. I love her, she's the only person who has ever been able to effectively and seriously minimize my pain so I wasn't really listening. I've had cupping before - for those of you who don't know, it's when they adhere glasses with a flame suctioned on to your back. Doesn't hurt, just pressure. I forgot to ask about the marks. Oh the marks! Seven days of ginormous purple bruiselike circles all over my back. And of course, the sun came out today. Can't wait to scare the neighborhood in my tank tops!

The reason I write this is that some of this could have been avoided if I had spoken up. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Just because someone is a dr. and/or an "expert" doesn't always make them right. What if I had a back modeling job - ok fine - a gala event this week?

As a survivor I should know better but I'll cut myself some slack. My face is healing, I found a great dentist, and the cupping will actually do wonders for all the pain the other dentists put me through.
Another kind of speak out.

The Pink Project book signing

excerpts from the talking, the signing and more photos coming soon!

moms are so wise!

my stepmom in Egypt

I loved what Liz said in her blog so much I had to create a new post.

"To all the moms, children, those without moms, those who know mom-like figures, those remembering moms who have passed on, those trying to be moms and those who struggle with motherhood, be good to yourself this weekend. We all came from somewhere, right?"

Here's my step-mama. we have a complex relationship (who doesn't?) but I love her just the same. She's the only one who's been mom to me besides my chosen family. She taught me how to be my own person, never to settle for anything or anyone, be cautious and courageous, independent, and unapologetically feminine.

We're big talkers, we love to bake, we are obssessive about buying and wrapping the perfect gifts more than receiving them, we love a good movie, a good book, a good cry. We both also breathe loudly in our sleep. As I told David while talking in my sleep, "It's called breathing. It's healthy". He didn't get it but my mom would.