Intertwined

Is it possible that I used to be a far better artist and writer than I am now? If so, is there a way to reclaim that me? I can't go backwards and I don't want to copy my own material, but I how did I get here? I've taken a good look at my artwork, and the most consistent and impressive work that may still be on par with the old me is my writing.

I was looking for a poem I wrote back in 1996 called Sally Doll. I found the shiny turquoise folder with poems married together by a single paper clip and a yellow post it on the first page where I wrote "poems before the 'incident'". Sally Doll was in there - I wrote it two days before I was raped.

Underneath are poems I wrote after the "incident" as apparently I once referred to being raped. On top of all the words words words are letters of recommendation from RAINN, NYSCASA, two mixed media project proposals, photocopies of grants I applied to (one of which I received) and correspondence between me and Lorie (my mentor and once Tisch Photo department head) and Debbie (once RAINN Executive Director). So ambitious. So determined. I remember it so well. I remember the blanket girls did not want me to follow this path - they wanted me to take the job at George Magazine , where I met JFK Jr. carrying white tulips to his office.

It wasn't my decision - they hired internally. It certainly would have been a different life altogether. Instead I am here. And you know, this is who I was before the "incident" and I'm still very dedicated to Sheila's photographs. I don't question why I was asked to take self portraits of a character partly based on me and a woman who was raped two days before I was. I recognize that I am her, not the woman, but the woman I became in the photograph - when I was thinking of how it would feel. Now I know. I am proud of my past, and proud of the me now. Somebody's gotta be. I feel like I should resurrect one of these project proposals, throw the clip off the before and after and write it all on the wall. Something's got to stick. Life is too messy for it to peel off so easily.

Debbie was my angel. She's in my bio - she should be someone I give thanks to every night. I do through my work - at least I hope so. And whatever it is that I do, I do much of it in her honor. She was the first to believe in me. The rest is paper clip metallic history.

So here's Sally Doll (next post)

RAINN - connect the drops

I'm giving a little shout out to Director of all things important and relevant *here* (yes on our watch, Mr. Clooney) Miss Kate Hull from RAINN who in just a few days covered more ground hitting up every media outlet in LA than an A-lister promoting their "Oscar written all over it" performance of the year. In a good way.
I had never met Kate, and finding out that she would be in town just a day before I returned from CT made me rethink my departure date. But then I wouldn't have been in the room for the sonogram and would have missed all that amazingness. In the end, Kate stayed on through the weekend so I got the chance to meet the woman who sends all good speaking things my way and who knew she would be so darn adorable? She's the kind of friend you give a spare set of keys to (eek, no pun intended), who gets lots of flowers on their birthday, and who shares my love of Mark Ruffalo, Scott Speedman, Netflix obssessions and black labs.
I know- is there a point to this post other than loving Kate and RAINN? Well to tie it in a bow, I was just thinking about this little community we have here that's always better than I ever expected. It makes my job that much easier, that much more dire, that much more sane. Oh yeah - and just another reminder that we are fun people. We tend to love life, and that's what makes it so very necessary to protect it. On our soil.
Have you read about RAINN's online hotline ? Did you know that you can literally go to the site and chat with a trained professional online? These things are not easy, and RAINN just made it that much more accessible and easier for a survivor to get the help and information they need. I certainly didn't know. Rape doesn't come with a handbook but these programs that we so desperately need to support help millions of people a year. Please read up, volunteer, donate money - it's happened to someone you love. This much we know is true for everyone.

April Showers: let it RAINN

You know how those April showers bring May flowers? In our world, those flowers are in the shape of hands and voices reaching out and being heard. April is Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month and we are getting ready for a busy busy month.

Here are a few happenings now, and then:

- Take Back The Nights are happening on pretty much every college campus across the country. Support your alma mater and the students who are dedicating a day, or even a week, to making sure that their fellow classmates are safe on campus.

- RAINN has launched its revamped web site complete with easy navigation, new content and a more organized layout making your experience on the site a friendly one.
They also launched a rape crisis center search, a new volunteer search with ops in your 'hood, and create a RAINNmaker profile. What's that you say? Check it out here

- I am an associate producer and speaking at a safety and awareness event April 27th in Reno, NV. More to come on this...

ok. the sheep have been numbered.

Speaking of rain...

Photograph by Alan J. Schaben/Los Angeles Times

Storm watch 2008! Rain Storms Invade the Southland! People stocking up on canned goods and charging their flashlights. Ok, it has been raining pretty steadily here in LA, and the drainage system leaves a lot to be desired. However, this rain is much needed, and as the sounds make pretty tin noises outside my window, like someone tinkering with their invention, it reminded me of another RAINN that is always much needed.

As part of RAINN's (Rape and Incest National Network)Speaker's Bureau, we were reminded us that April, National Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention month, will soon be upon us. Here's how you can get involved:

*Recruit or Be A Volunteer: Recruit or become a volunteer for your local rape crisis center or the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline.:
You can help RAINN and local centers find volunteers to provide much-needed support to victims of sexual assault and their friends and family members. Visit http://www.rainn.org/ohlvolunteer/process for more details.

I chose the above photo because Angelenos get a bad rap for never leaving the house when it rains.
There are many who will, rain or shine, brave the weather and ride the wave. That's what we try to do.
Let it rain.