Thinking Thursdays: how i ended up like a kite stuck a tree

when i was a freshman in college, my friends worried that if and when a rainstorm descended upon on gotham, I'd end up like a kite in a tree. They'd say "Marnie, you'll blow away; how will we find you?" After my 6:30pm TU and TH Art History class, I'd walk the perimeter of the park because it was safer and farther away from the trees. Of course they were kidding but I did walk around the park instead of through it. I suppose I was afraid of getting lost, stuck, or worse, forgotten.

I was just washing dishes and watching the bubbles circle down the drain. My mind wanders when washing dishes - as much as I hate the way they can build up - I find the chore cathartic. I was thinking that I needed to reply to an email from a friend, my best friend's ex boyfriend, who's been traveling so much for business it's been months of failed attempts to get together.

And then I remembered the stick of butter.

A stick of butter reminds me of Adam for when I was anorexic from self-destructive behavior trying to find me after the me was gone, Adam and Tracey would cook me breakfast with a half a stick of butter in hopes that I would re-appear. If you've read anything about anorexia, the person literally cannot see the weight they've lost. Because it's always in vogue, oftentimes people mistake anorexics for people desperate for attention. The irony is that they are fading away before your eyes and they can't see it. Another kind of Disappearing in America

A few days ago I blogged about how staying healthy can be painful (dentist?), expensive and time consuming. It's a lifetime commitment and there's no faster, quicker or safer way to do it. Like love and respect, it needs your attention, consideration, time and effort to understand how it really works. And how you have to really work at it.

A weird factoid about the media and their every day reporting of the trial: when I gave my impact statement - even The New York Times focused on my one word mention of becoming anorexic after the rape. I did say it, so the reporting was accurate, but of all the things I had to say in a two page typed statement: the anorexia? really? yeah, really. it's a bite, a tag word - it was tragic and they capitilized on it. I'd like to send that reporter a big tub of butter because of all the things I said in that courtroom in front of a judge, jury, friends, family, reporters and the person who attacked me, they chose to focus on the fat.