April Showers: let it RAINN

You know how those April showers bring May flowers? In our world, those flowers are in the shape of hands and voices reaching out and being heard. April is Sexual Assault Awareness & Prevention Month and we are getting ready for a busy busy month.

Here are a few happenings now, and then:

- Take Back The Nights are happening on pretty much every college campus across the country. Support your alma mater and the students who are dedicating a day, or even a week, to making sure that their fellow classmates are safe on campus.

- RAINN has launched its revamped web site complete with easy navigation, new content and a more organized layout making your experience on the site a friendly one.
They also launched a rape crisis center search, a new volunteer search with ops in your 'hood, and create a RAINNmaker profile. What's that you say? Check it out here

- I am an associate producer and speaking at a safety and awareness event April 27th in Reno, NV. More to come on this...

ok. the sheep have been numbered.

what a card

remember when hand writing thank you, birthday and holiday cards was the norm? remember really needing stamps? these days we shoot off an e-card to our entire address book and poof! holiday cards are done. I've done it. Does it feel the same as receiving a card in the mail? Not for me.

when was the last time you received a card in the mail? Not a Facebook poke, hug or MySpace "Thanks for the add", but a hold in your hands envelope delivered by your mailman (omitting weddings and wedding thank-you's)? Today I received a yellow envelope that felt like a card and I thought, hmm, maybe St. Patty's Day? There was a 'girls night sticker" on the back so next guess was an invite-how sweet. Nope.
Here's what it was:

"I just want you to know how amazing you are. I think you are such a beautiful person inside and out...You deserve to be happy and healthy. And also, any company would be lucky to have you on their team" Love, XXXX Ps Let's get together soon!"

Who does this stuff anymore? Apparently my gorgeous friend who I met through Junior League, who works like a maniac and is always smiling .

I've been inspired to send a "just because card" to someone. I hope you have too!

Crazy settles in Reno

Yesterday morning, I received an email for a speaking op in Reno, NV. Didn't take more than the city name to know this was for the beautiful 19 year old Brianna Denison, who was kidnapped, raped and murdered by what police officials think is a serial rapist. I reached out to the contact who is organizing an event on safety and awareness in honor of Brianna and to support a community who is afraid to leave their homes. The free event is on Sunday, April 27th in Reno and is open to anyone who wants to learn more about safety, awareness, DNA evidence, or simply to be there for Brianna. Believe me, just being present goes a long way.
It will happen a million times over and I'll still be blown away by people's generousity. These folks are well on their way to a very comprehensive and crucial event for a city frozen in fear. I am proud to be a part of the day and am working on getting some additional support and connect to Brianna's college. Two cities hurting by the loss of one girl her mom nicknamed "Breezy" because she was "like a breath of fresh air". My heart hurts. I was pinning together a recycled vintage dress when I spoke at length to the organizers. My pinning stopped; my plans for the evening and for the next month took a very different turn. Some people take vacations to sunny places. I live in a sunny place and take vacations to bring some light to darner corners. At least I hope that's what I'm doing.
I talk a lot about media perception versus the real world. In the real world, 1 in 4 women will be assaulted by the time they graduate college. There will be many who will say, or think, "Oh I wouldn't have done that! Whatever that is: go out alone, forget to lock a door, or in my case, walk home from work. Really? I'm not saying you shouldn't be aware of your surroundings, but you will never know what you will do until it happens to you. These are false perceptions that it can't happen to you because you are stronger, smarter, quicker, savvier than others. Pray that it doesn't. Start by stopping - the cycle of blame, the myths, the people who prey. Get their MO: we've got their number. Call it.

Flowers are the best medicine

Thank you all for what David is calling the flower shop on Beachwood.

Here are a few

from NY & LA
gav remix from Scotland

vintage roses from NYC


yellow sunshine from LA

Revisiting a cocktail napkin

I realized that my last few entries have been a little rough so maybe it was time to have a spa day. The thing is while I'm not feeling like commenting on who's responsible for what (and I never suggested I had all the right answers, it's just my opinion), I'm not feeling like getting my nails done. Maybe it's this rain that's been pouring on my head for over a week now, but I'm still in the darker inkwell.
I re-read a bunch of poems I wrote last year and I thought I'd share this one today. It's for all the women who withstand so much heaviness and still have close to perfect posture. They've endured it all and can still stand up tall in 4 inch heels. They amaze me.

big snowflakes make loud noises

i'm knee deep in indellible ink
my thoughts stain the four cornered sheets
wading and washing my head in uncertainty
it's so permanent
like this I didn't know
this in and out from in between the static and sound
kind of like a wa wa sound that chips your
fingertips when we make some noise
and you say there goes the sad sad girls
that's where those scribble scrabbled minds are
that ink up the pages with your double spaced words

there they go off in their little worlds of big prose
their heads are sleeting
for they own the copyright
to winter's song

and while you borrow us
without begging (the asking would be nice)
know that their skidding
is more like gliding
and that we fall gracefully
and resurface stronger than we were before

like the ground you press your heels and steady yourself on boy
solid as black diamond ice
keep listening and leaning on us
our arms will forever break your fall

When the media writes

graphic courtesy of Takebackthenews.com

The first time I really broke down after the trial was when I was trying to go public with my story. I have a lot of media friends and friends who's friends are producers for CNN, Paula Z., The Today Show, etc. One producer is from my home town. I was lead on, ignored, and lied to by many (journalists, not friends). While waiting for the verdict at the courthouse, a close friend put me in touch with a non-profit publicist who said he was "thrilled to help me me go public". We exchanged calls, emails and then he stopped writing; I never heard from him again. This happened when I was spending my days in a NYC courthouse. When I called the NYC AP desk, I was transferred to a writer who said to me, "Why now?" I naively thought he meant what brought me to the point in my life where I wanted to share my story in a very public way. What he really meant was, "What's the news in this? It happened over a month ago, lady." The irony was so thick, like black smoke expelled in my face, that I could hardly breathe. I'm not being overdramatic. I didn't really cry during the trial; I cried when I was mistreated by the media.
The irony is that during the trial "my story"--the one I wasn't allowed to comment on-- was in every g-d damned newspaper from here to South Africa--every day. Now Riker's Island Number ##### was able to say his piece, the people representing the case said their share, but for us, we were asked to remain silent: a contridiction in terms for unlocked survivors. I understand that since we were "witnesses", it wasn't the best time to speak to the media. But in between the time of the verdict and the sentencing, legislation pressing to overturn NY State's archaic statue of limitations finally made it to Albany. My case had been cited by Robert Morgenthaul not once, but twice in effort to correct the law as it applies to present day. Still I couldn't speak, and nothing would have brought me more solace during that very difficult time then to help overturn a law that would bring us some justice and hope for those cold case DNA hits like mine. I was a witness in my own case, which I found out, wasn't really my case at all. And so it was only a month later that I was able to contact the media to which they collectively replied "too late". So I--my story--sold newspapers for them every day---but no one was interested in hearing my story a month later? Really?

I decided that going public by the media's terms and conditions would be a double edged sword: I'll comment on things and be interviewed for specific causes, laws, events that are meaningful and relevant to my story and helping others, but I won't give my story away like a virgin. Living in Los Angeles, I know all too well how stories get turned on their heads. For once I wanted to control and own "my story". So I took it back. I'm now writing in a medium that I have control over (here, and in a much bigger, silver form) The story will be told, on my terms and conditions.
I am thinking about the media and it's irresponsible reporting on the tragic death of Heath Ledger. Speculation, feeding the masses, selling papers: our American greed is once again spiriling out of control. It will be 10 days until his death is determined and every day there will be more speculation, rumours, random religious freaks coming out of their comas to comment on his death. Mixing prescription medicine is a "hot topic" as is how we treat depression. Journalists and media reporters have a responsibility to report on the known facts of an event. A sassy tagline that has clickability about someone dying is irresponsible and shameful. Karma, in the form of a computer with a sad face, can be messy. Kind of like a pen exploding in the bottom of your bag, except far worse.
To those who are camping outside the Broome Street apartment, and were there to "greet" Michelle Williams, it's a horrible thing that you do. It happened to me back in 1996 and no one could go home. We were displaced by the media. Gee, thanks. This has happened to other survivor friends of mine. Do you realize that your "need" to get the juiciest details, the sharpest photos, have forced survivors out of their homes? Just thought you might want to know.
There are many responsible journalists, and there are also organizations that are on to the ones who aren't. Take Back The News is a fantastic organization that gives survivors a place to tell their own story, calls journalists out on misrepresentation, speculation and erroneous information, and raises awareness so that more accurate reporting will lead to more survivors coming forward, seeking help, pressing charges, and debunking the too too many myths that exist today. Not 40 years ago, today.
One last thought: remember Princess Diana. For a moment I will speculate and say that she would most likely hope that no one else suffers the same fate that she did.

The Latest Craze From Cruise

Photo courtesy of the fabulous GalleryoftheAbsurd.com

I'm sure thousands of bloggers are weighing in on Tom Cruise's interview discussing his er, relationship with Scientology. I've heard enough first hand stories of friends being lured into the house of Scientology under the guise of "acting classes" to make me shudder every time I pass the "Celebrity" Scientology Centre. Any religion that forces you to stay in a "class" or "get tested" against your will ain't good. As an Angeleno who doesn't even drive that much, I still see accidents happen every day. When was the last time you heard of Tommy, or any celebrity Scientologist for that matter, helping a victim of a car accident, or even a kitten from a palm tree? According to TC, they are the only ones who "truly can help and have the knowledge, because in an instant, they know what to do" (I'm paraphrasing here--I can't bare to go back and watch it again).
I could go on with all the inconsistencies in that interview, but what irked me is that celebrities know that they are emulated by adults and children alike, and despite the cameras (oh spare me), they lead a very charmed life. For many, and I speak from extremely personal experience, it wasn't easy to "arrive". When I worked in the music industry, we used to laugh when our artists were proclaimed "The Best New Musician" in Rolling Stone or the like. There was nothing new about them except that people other than their 500+ fans, including friends and family, were listening to them now. Money talks, and people drink the Kool-Aid.

Until Scientologists show some substantial proof that they can heal the world, celeb scientologists have a social responsibility to tame the crazy. We get it: people are listening to you. Do you get it? It's part of your job, as is dressing in designer clothing, going to premiere parties and telling us what brand of toothpaste we should buy. Jessica Alba just got paid a whole lotta dough to tell me that if I like her shade of Revlon foundation, not to ask for it, because it's hers. Okaaay.
To say that one can't "pretend to know Scientology; you better know it!" from a group that is a closed religion that largely hides their secret sauce is elitist and just, well, wrong. As a survivor, I am sensitive to the fact that non-survivors may not understand how it really feels to be a survivor. Hence why I am here and I do what I do. I don't hold people up to the same ethics that I have for myself as that would be to say that mine are the best, the only way one should live their life. Wow.
As a public survivor, it is my responsibility to give accurate information, to provide help and guidance. Oh, and to bring attention to fact that we've got a much bigger problem going on here in the US of A that we should be healing and paying attention to before we give aid to all the countries that are not like us. Because we are so progressive? I know I have more rights than most women in the world, but that doesn't mean that the scales are balanced. Read a few posts and let me know if you think we're really all that savvy. Or let me remind you that 1 in 4 college students will be assaulted by the time they graduate. That, and a diploma is what your parents paid for, or you are still paying students debts off for. There's a lot that can be done, without having to bow down to my "stringent code of ethics" or wear Nike track pants in eight different colors the way I do.
I'm sorry but social responsibility is no laughing matter. Let me edit that: I am not sorry at all.