speaking up and giving in: the wellness post

cupping-day three. day one -don't even ask


It's been, let's say, a challenging week. I'm thinking of a theme for this charmer and I'm going to call it "stepping on my face in stilettos".

On Monday the wicked witch of the east visited my back molar and poof, my gum blew up over where my tooth was supposed to be but I couldn't see it anymore. A shooting pain in my head and a fever had me speed dialing every friend begging for a dentist that they solemnly swear to love, honor and respect for the rest of their life. You see, since moving to LA I've been to five dentists - one who scared me with her sterile personality and meanness (she is probably very competent but dentist chairs are scary enough, a dentist shouldn't be scary too), the next had such a rude office assistant yelling at me to phone my HR department because she couldn't figure out how to call dial 1800METLIFE, another who scammed me out of money and did some bad dental work, to the second to last who did goodness knows that led me to overnight balloon face.

You hear about scary dr's but I'd never experienced it quite like this - I thought I was way too picky to fall prey. Prey I have been. My dear friend who went through serious dental drama referred me to a dentist who rocked it. He was professional, kind, had a personality, talked me through it and scared me just enough to take my medicine like clockwork. His office called me today to see how I was feeling (wow). My tooth was abscessing from the bad work (and a bad tooth) and it had spread to my sinuses. Very bad and very painful. I'm on antis and eating on one side of my mouth. Upside: Yogotango.

Lesson learned: lotsa dentists are out for your money. If your friend only had their teeth cleaned and you need major work, that recommendation isn't worth a travel toothbrush. Move on, keep asking. Drive. Fly. Trust me, it's worth it.

Because my face is a mess and my neck and back were completely knotted by the whole affair, my acupunturist skipped my endo and treated my mouth and back issues. "I'm going to do cupping" she said. I love her, she's the only person who has ever been able to effectively and seriously minimize my pain so I wasn't really listening. I've had cupping before - for those of you who don't know, it's when they adhere glasses with a flame suctioned on to your back. Doesn't hurt, just pressure. I forgot to ask about the marks. Oh the marks! Seven days of ginormous purple bruiselike circles all over my back. And of course, the sun came out today. Can't wait to scare the neighborhood in my tank tops!

The reason I write this is that some of this could have been avoided if I had spoken up. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Just because someone is a dr. and/or an "expert" doesn't always make them right. What if I had a back modeling job - ok fine - a gala event this week?

As a survivor I should know better but I'll cut myself some slack. My face is healing, I found a great dentist, and the cupping will actually do wonders for all the pain the other dentists put me through.
Another kind of speak out.

The Pink Project book signing

excerpts from the talking, the signing and more photos coming soon!

moms are so wise!

my stepmom in Egypt

I loved what Liz said in her blog so much I had to create a new post.

"To all the moms, children, those without moms, those who know mom-like figures, those remembering moms who have passed on, those trying to be moms and those who struggle with motherhood, be good to yourself this weekend. We all came from somewhere, right?"

Here's my step-mama. we have a complex relationship (who doesn't?) but I love her just the same. She's the only one who's been mom to me besides my chosen family. She taught me how to be my own person, never to settle for anything or anyone, be cautious and courageous, independent, and unapologetically feminine.

We're big talkers, we love to bake, we are obssessive about buying and wrapping the perfect gifts more than receiving them, we love a good movie, a good book, a good cry. We both also breathe loudly in our sleep. As I told David while talking in my sleep, "It's called breathing. It's healthy". He didn't get it but my mom would.

mothers to be mothers day

People are not believing me when I tell them that I have seven pregnant girlfriends. "FRIENDS, or people that you know?" "Yes, friends", I tell them.

In celebration of mother's day and the innate instinctive nature of protecting and loving what you (literally) make in life, here are my soon-to-be (or be again) mom friends.

Liz - Due in September

It's a: BOY

Liz and Miss A @ Pumpkintown, East Hampton

Michelle - Due in JUNE!
THEY ARE: Identical Twin GIRLS

Michelle and me at Tori and Dean's Inn Love Party - Temecula, CA

Vero - Due about now
It's a: ??

Vero and Agata

Bridget - Due in October (?)
It's a: ?
Zahik and Bridget (pre-pregnancy)

Summer: Due in (if my math is correct) December

It’s a: GIRL, Chloe (love that name!)
Jimmy, Taylor and Summer



Jodi: Due in June
It’s a: ??
Jodi in the pink

Krystal: Due in January
It’s a: BOY (Jackson)
Lee and Krystal

Happy Mother's Day!

Work-shopping at SBCC

Kaylie, Caitlin, Vanessa, Me, Brian and Thaddeus - Sigma Chi Eta, SBCC

After months of working with a Reno NV group planning a safety day for their community and doing some online outreach to students at SBCC and UNR, I headed a few hours north to speak at a workshop produced by SBCC's Sigma Eta Chi and sponsored by the President's office and Communications Department.

Knowing that the community was grieving the loss of the much loved Brianna Denison, I hoped for a full house. The school did a great job promoting the workshop as most of the seats were filled on this Tuesday afternoon in the middle of classes and so very close to finals.

I was greeted by two incredible women: Professor Sarah Hock and Sigma Chi Eta's president, Vanessa Gonzalez. Bright eyed and so very welcoming, I knew that if asked to do so, I would make this trip a thousand times over. We put out RAINN posters, call cards, and flyers and syched up the tech stuff. David disappeared into the almost full room as Sigma Chi Eta rolled their presentation and introduced today's speaker. I listened as if it were a stranger until I heard my name. Oh right, that's me (sometimes I forget). To make that quick change to survivor/activist takes a second - you are you, and then you are the you that has a story to tell. It's what I call turning the light on so that other survivors and co-survivors can find me. It's always on, really, but on stage it becomes a spotlight.

The topic was creating a safer campus but in order for people to care about anything I have to say, they have to know why I'm there to begin with. So to begin I go back to 1996. And then the aftermath. Now we can talk about now. Creating a campus isn't tearing up a street or installing more lights in darker places (although that is helpful), it's about caring and protecting your community - yourself and the people around you. College is another family. You love your chosen family - you respect and protect them. It takes courage to speak about a taboo subject - not for me so much as students who want to just be as much as they want to trust their environment. It's a step towards some serious responsibility but in itself it is powerful just how much one word, one action can change your landscape.

I met some amazing people on my short trip to Santa Barbara and took a little piece of their hearts home with me. To Vanessa, Kaylie, Thaddeus and Brian - thank you for your kind hearts. To everyone was there or wasn't able to attend but still wrote to me, you know where you can find me, always. So keep writing - my love and admiration will be with you long after finals are over.

xxoo

Pre SBCC - Santa Barbara Living

Shintori Sushi Factory, Santa Barbara

Two weeks ago I spoke at Santa Barbara City College where Brianna Denison went to college. I rarely think of reliving or altering the past but I could definitely see myself in Santa Barbara as an 18 year old freshman . It's quaint, quiet and absolutely gorgeous. The ocean has a calm force over the landscape and the people who inhabit it. You live by the ocean and the sun dictates your days. For those who love and are inspired by their physical landscape Santa Barbara is almost a throwback to simpler times.

David made the trip with me and we stayed at some odd hotel stuck in the 70s (Tripadvisor you have finally let me down) The reviews said it's natural landscape was gorgeous; no need to stay at a resort! I'll give it points for being clean and the staff congenial but it was straight up shaggadelic without the discso: bubble font, lucite and swirly pattenered carpets with indoor waterfalls and concrete stairs. The natural landscape is actually a swamp you had to cross over to get to the pool and their much talked about breakfast which what much ado about nothing but some cereal, pastries and coffee. groovy.

We found a great sushi place that we ate at um, three times. Overpriced but I expected most restaurants to be in SB. I loved the paper lanterns that were signed by all the patrons. They also had an affinity for chocolate. I appreciate that too. Obviously.

A few wrong turns led us through swirling roads reminding me of my hometown- particularly Shippan and views of the quiet and calm ocean. Santa Monica is too crowded, Malibu is better but still so populated, Venice is a circus. Santa Barbara is the type of ocean I know - where the waves roll in and out and people come and go - leaving time behind.

SBCC Speaking

THE CHANNELS ONLINE ARTICLE

SBCC student Brianna Denison's murder inspires event to shed light on rape, domestic abuse
Communication Department, President's Office among others sponsor forum featuring rape advocate Marnie Goodfriend
Miguel Arana
Issue date: 4/23/08 Section: News

Nobody knows when tragedy will occur and few are truly prepared if something disturbing actually happens.

The memory of the tragic death of slain Santa Barbara City College student Brianna Denison remains fresh inside this college community.

For that reason, the college is hosting a special event to discuss how to prevent rape and domestic violence.

The event, named "Let's Build it Together: Women, Men and the Toolbox for a Safer Campus," will be held on Tuesday April 29th at 3:30 p.m. at Room 211 in the Administration Building.

This event is sponsored by the President's Office, Campus Diversity, the Communication Department and the Sigma Chi Eta Honor Society.

"The purpose of this activity is to raise awareness about rape prevention and domestic violence," said Vanessa Gonzalez, president of Sigma Chi Eta and who used to work with Denison at the Communication Lab. "It is very important that we as college students never underestimate our safety, which is why Sigma Chi Eta has made this seminar the focal point of the semester."

Sigma Chi Eta is the community college honor society of the National Communication Association. The society was founded in 2000, but is a new addition to SBCC this semester.

The guest speaker will be Marnie Goodfriend, a freelance photographer, mixed media artist and writer. Goodfriend is also an advocate, activist and rape survivor who donates artwork and time speaking for women's organizations that address sexual assault and violence prevention, such as Rape Abuse & Incest National Network and SAVI, according to her Web site.

The network, which is an affiliate of the Santa Barbara Rape Crisis Center, states that: "college-age women are four times more likely to be sexually assault than any other age group."

The Brianna Denison case has impacted Gonzalez greatly.

"This situation affected me greatly because was so shocking and unexpected," Gonzalez said. "It was definitely an eye opener to the fact that something like this could really happen to anyone. I feel that this is a topic that we don't think about often enough and therefore need an opportunity like this to help inform the student body."

Sigma Chi Eta is also looking for the opportunity to host a self-defense seminar, said Gonzalez.