buying handmade

because it's unique, it supports people who make things with their hands and hearts, and there's very little risk that the recipient already has a cupcake recycled scarf and hat set...

Love, Technology and Happy Holiday Annoucements

Yesterday I found this in my inbox. Rosie and I lived a children's sized shoe box on the Upper East Side. She, a filmmaker, and me, at the time, being displaced from the music industry and a bit of a wanderer, we ate cereal for dinner and worked very random jobs together. Graveyard shift jobs. She has the best laugh, and an even better smile. I adore her so I couldn't help the water works when I opened this .avi extension:



Congrats, lady jane!

xo,
Marnie

Things to be thankful for: green kitchens, chalkboards, pirate sticks and joyful hearts

David and Liz: intrigued?

David writing a pirate poem

by the pond with swans and ducks

For the holidays, David and I headed back East to drop in to my sister's Saturday Night Fever and brave Penn Station at the very same time that Manhattan let out early for the holidays. Bags fully packed with stuffing, no free hands, we had much to give, and much to be thankful for. At the end of the road (track) was East Hampton, and the house we were to spend Thankgiving with Liz and all in the family. It was a rustic colonial just a few miles from town-Walbaum's, Breezin' Up, Scoop, JCrew by the Sea, and a ton of other quaint retail stores I know and love that did not call my name. I was too busy having fun--either laughing and gasping for air, or doing the thousand yard stare. Both were acceptable, nothing was expected. I was grateful, touched, and so very happy to spend the holidays exactly where we were meant to be.

There were moments where I watched two co-survivors bond over our situations, and how it affected them both. There were moments where all I wanted to do was collect leaves and take photographs. There were late nights and brisk early mornings warmed by the sounds of the cutest angel pirate artist soccer girl on this planet. There was no internet, no phone calls--we put our obligations aside and did what every family should do more of--not just on holidays, but ordinary days--we spent time with each other. We talked, laughed, ate, drank, played in the leaves, never needing to think, "What do we do next?"

I guess I don't really have words for this time. I've always called the trial the fifth season. So in celebration of all that is joyous--like warm boots, sweaters, holga cameras, red wine, washable magic markers, pirate sticks and golden leaves --- I'll just say that this year, the season to be merry began when I was giving thanks for all the love and support from David, and Liz and co. for the longest list of things for me to be thankful for.

and a little help from some friends

this will help, too

making it your anniversary

liz has discussed how one deals with/celebrates/dissociates from the anniversary of a sexual assault. On Liz's survivor anniversary, I ate a YumYum doughnut. Some may think that's odd, random, unnecessary or all of the above (and then some). A doughnut has special significance to me from someone I loved and is no longer in my world. I've never eaten a YumYum doughnut (their purple signs are all over LA) but I ate it because I wanted to do something fun, a not-so guilty pleasure, something sweet to recognize the day as not the day it happened, but in celebration of all she has become, not because of it, but simply by being her, by taking a much harder path that paves the way for countless survivors.
Tomorrow is my anniversary. Sometimes I block it out and replace it with November 17th. One day EMDR may tell me why I remember it to be the day before. The first year, I got my first real expensive haircut. Not a $300 trim, but more than I would normally pay. Then I walked around the East Village and with each step, I was making my signature in the pavement. That was my home, I wanted to make it remembered that I was there first. What I did with my day may seem trivial, and many would ask why I would place any significance on it, for if I thought about it less, I could forget about it, yes? Oh, for shame. Memories do not work that way. November 18, 1996 may have a few pieces cut out like a snowflake, but every single one of those missing pieces makes it home in the darker spaces in my head. They visit me all the time. In pieces. I don't to see the entire picture all the time; it's not pretty.
This year I am taking some inspiration from my favorite four year old girl, Ava , who's love of life and infectous joy for all things beautiful truly amazes me (and for that, and a million other reasons she is also all about what is beautiful), and going out to breakfast for some chocolate chip pancakes at Jack and Jill's , taking in a movie at The Grove where the fake snow will be fallin', making my holiday cards, and playing with my art supplies. I used to make these pretty neat photo transfers; I promised myself once I moved I would get back in my art bin. And so I will. Because there's so much I can say, for once, without speaking a word, and there is so much healing in a black paper mate felt tip pen that bleeds green, purple and blue. Like a bruise. A lovely bruise that knows how to heal itself.

No holiday spirt for Tennessee sex offenders

photo coutesy of Getty Images

Here are the "Tennessee Rules" for sex offenders on Halloween, issued by the State of Tennessee Board of Probation and Parole.
State law mandates the following for sex offenders:
-Do not answer the door to trick-or-treaters
-No passing out of candy to children
-No holiday decorations on homes
-No visits to haunted houses, corn mazes, hay rides or other seasonal activities
-Do not attend any party where children are gathered
-No costumes
-No trick-or-treating

Is this really effective law making, or our we just scaring the bejesus out of our children? How about prison sentences that are in keeping with Class A Crimes (that would mean a minimum of 25 years in jail)? Sounds a lot safer (and saner) than not allowing rapists to trick or treat.
Does anyone believe that our children are safer by ostracizing sex offenders within our own communities? Building communities, even islands, for sex offenders to live? And is anyone, please, at any point and time, going to make a distinction between rapists who prey on children and those who prey on others: serial rapists typically have a MO and those who rape young women may never assault a child. The difference is important for us all to be acutely aware of.

I don't want sex offenders locked down for Halloween; I'd prefer them to be locked up in prison. I'm sure there's a lot of trick or treating going on in there.

Did you think they're all ugly on the outside? "Bachelor" Serial Rapist

The more our government perpetuates the belief that rapists are scary looking boogie men (Halloween sex offender lock down??), the harder it is for us to identify the real characteristics of a serial rapist. They can be creatures of habit, oftentimes cunning, attractive, succesful and yes, charming. "Oh, he doesn't look like a rapist!" What exactly does a rapist look like? Here's a good look at one here who was a season one candidate for ABC reality TV show "The Bachelor". Charming, indeed.
The Boston Channel reports that Gary Zerola, who is charged with rape and attempted rape of two 19-year old women in 2004 and 2006 is also facing charges of drugging raping another 18 year old.
"..he took the woman back to his apartment and slammed her head against a door and knocked a phone from her hand as she tried to dial 911." To read the entire story, click here
We don't need the TV; that's reality right there.
Let's hope Mr. Zerola gets more than 12 months so that he is not released to repeat his charming behavior on multiple other women. I'm sure he already has.